


We're quiet on the ride (we're all just waiting to get home)

by serenityandtea



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, There's no actual suicide or suicidal thoughts, just The Sun being shitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-24 07:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4909933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenityandtea/pseuds/serenityandtea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall's a bit banged up, his boys try to take care of him, and no strenuous activity is allowed.</p><p>  <i>“Niall?”</i></p><p>  <i>Louis sounds distressed but Niall can’t answer properly, his eyes firmly trained on the tree that he’s speeding towards. His foot is pressing down on the brake while he tries to steer the car in the other direction but it’s futile. He doesn’t even realising he’s screaming until he hears Louis calling out his name.</i></p><p>  <i>“Niall! What the fuck is happening!”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	We're quiet on the ride (we're all just waiting to get home)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elliebird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliebird/gifts).



> for alwayseven: I hope you enjoy it! I honestly couldn't decide which prompt I wanted to write but in the end I couldn't resist making it a ot5 hurt/comfort one. Sorry for the pathetic lack of proper smut! And the medical inaccuracy.
> 
> Thanks to my beta for being great as always. I don't own or know anyone in this fic but if you do, I kindly request you to turn around and _run_. Please let me know if I need to tag anything else that might be triggering. Songs used are 'Song 2' by Blur and 'When you say nothing at all' by Ronan Keating. Title from 'I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light' by the incredible Brand New.

Niall tries not to yawn as he watches Alicia pack up her stuff at an awfully slow place. It’s been a long day, probably too long, and all he wants is to go home to his boys and sleep for days, so they can all FaceTime Harry in L.A. in the morning. Preferably some heavy snogging before sleeping, but he’s not going to be too picky. He’ll take what he can get.

“See you on Monday?”

Niall nods at Alicia, giving her a small wave as she leaves the studio before he locks the recording booth, turns down all the lights and makes sure all the equipment is turned off. He’s the last one left, which doesn’t really surprise him since it’s well past midnight and according to Louis, no sane person works after eleven p.m. If it had been up to him, he’d have left with Louis and Liam at a reasonable time but Alicia had begged for ‘one more try on her verse', and 'can we just do that run again, Niall?’ He couldn’t say no to that because she’s trying so hard and Niall knows she’s bloody good; that’s why Louis picked her from all those potential artists they could’ve signed.

Right now, he wishes he had quit a few hours earlier since he’s missing out on another date night and he knows how Zayn appreciates their time together. It still feels weird to think of them as date nights when they’re not that different from their normal evenings spent together on the tour bus or in hotels. It’s nice to know, though, that there’s one day a week where they all get to be actual boyfriends instead of best friends, band mates or business partners. Even when Harry’s not there, they’re still on the phone with him for most of the night, pretending like a big part of them isn’t missing.

Niall shoots Zayn a short text to tell him that he’s driving home and to please wait up for him, he wants cuddles, before making his way to their underground parking. He gets in the last remaining Range Rover. Zayn doesn’t reply -not like Niall expects him to, he’s probably too engrossed in the film they’re most likely watching- but when he’s driving down the M40, Louis’ name flashes on the screen.

“Were you ever planning on coming home?” is the first thing Louis says and there’s a bite to his voice, even through the Bluetooth system.

“I’m almost there, please stay up for me?” Niall pleads and Louis huffs so Niall tries again. “I’m sorry? I lost track of time but the single is almost finished and I’m sorry and I love you loads?”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too,” Louis replies. “It just would’ve been nice to have you here. Liam and Zayn keep talking over my head and you know how I hate that. ‘S like I’m not even fucking there.”

“Next week,” Niall promises and he tries not to feel too guilty for missing out on something that obviously means a lot to all of them.

“You better,” Louis huffs and Niall grins. “You’re not picking the film, though. You’ve lost that right. I think we’ll let Harry pick, see if he can watch one with us over Skype. Or maybe we could all actually go to the movies like normal human beings and see the new Star Wars, Liam’s bloody excited about that one.”

Niall almost doesn’t see the other car coming his way, driving in the wrong lane, his lane. It isn’t until it’s right in front of him, no headlights and well past the speed limit, that Niall realises what's happening and he swerves his car to the left, cursing as he feels himself losing control of the steering wheel when he goes off-road.

“Niall?”

Louis sounds distressed but Niall can’t answer properly, his eyes firmly trained on the tree that he’s speeding towards. His foot is pressing down on the brake while trying to steer the car in the other direction but it’s futile. He doesn’t even realising he’s screaming until he hears Louis calling out his name.

“Niall! What the fuck is happening!”

It’s that moment that the car collides with the tree and suddenly time moves in slow motion. He gets jerked forward in his seat, his head hits the steering wheel, the front window smashes, the front of the car gets wrapped around the tree and Niall doesn’t have a clue how he’s still alive, how he hasn’t blacked out from the impact yet. The steering wheel and airbag are pressing against his stomach in an incredibly uncomfortable manner -the car having been pushed together like an accordion- and he can’t feel his legs anymore even though he knows he should be in excruciating pain. They must be completely smashed or trapped in the steel.

Worst of all, Louis voice isn’t screaming at him through the phone anymore.

He tries moving his head to see if it’s anywhere close to him, but even the slightest movement hurts like a motherfucker and Niall squeezes his eyes shut as stars start to dance in his vision. He tries to take a deep calming breath only to realise that his lungs do not agree with him at all and- is that his phone still ringing? He doesn’t know where the sound comes from but he would recognize that ringtone anywhere. Louis. The song hurts his head even more and he wants it so stop ringing but keep ringing at the same time. Fucking Blur.

It stops and Niall panics. What if they never find him? He’s not sure how far off the main road he is but it’s dark and maybe Louis thinks this is all a joke and they’ll just go to bed, the three of them curled up in bed and not even wondering where he is. He’s pretty sure he’s bleeding from a gash in his head as well if the feeling of something dripping on his cheek is anything to go by and he tries his hardest to remember how much blood you can lose before you start to faint but he comes up blank.

_I got my head checked, by a jumbo jet  
It wasn’t easy, but nothing is, no_

The phone starts ringing again and Niall’s desperate to pick it up to tell Louis that he’s doing alright- that he’s still alive, albeit with a few gashes on his face from pieces of glass and what feels like a bruised wrist. The next second the ringing stops and gets replaced by a different one.

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me_

He tries to laugh because he needs to find some new ringtones for them but it just really fucking hurts and suddenly he can feel his nose getting itchy and his eyes tearing up. The tree is just inches away from him and his whole body just hurts and he just really wants to go home right now. Wants someone to get him out of this car and wrap him up in a blanket and maybe get him a pint and just... cuddle him.

Before he knows it, sobs are wrecking through his body and that hurts even more but he can’t stop. Not when he thinks about how he might not see his boys again if they don’t get here on time. How this morning might have been the last time he kissed Zayn good morning or how he’ll never see that twinkle in Liam’s eyes again when Niall goes on a run with him even though he hates running. Or how Harry will never kiss him again as a reward for drinking another green smoothie and how they will never have late-night song writing session with him present. He tries not to think about how they have to tell their fans that their band mate (never boyfriend, not in public) was stupid enough to get himself killed by driving headfirst into a tree or- God, his dad.

The more he cries, the worse his headache becomes and he’s struggling to keep his eyes open even though his phone is still ringing loudly. There’s no sign of help yet, no blaring sirens or passing cars and he just wants to rest his eyes a bit, just for a couple of seconds.

The last thought he has before he slips into unconsciousness is how Liam is going to kill him for wrecking his car.

*

There’s a hand on his shoulder and someone murmuring in his right ear that he’s going to be okay but Niall isn’t so sure.

He doesn’t feel okay.

*

Something is stuck to his hand and it’s itchy but when he tries to move there’s a force pushing him down by his shoulder, keeping him strapped to whatever he’s strapped onto.

_‘He’s losing too much blood.’_

The world goes black again.

*

_He’s standing on a stage in an empty stadium. The lights that are beaming down on him are so bright that he can’t see a thing but white light and it doesn’t feel right. The lights aren’t as hot as he’s used to and there’s a constricting feeling in his chest even though he isn’t nervous. Can’t be nervous, because there’s no one in the crowd, no one to judge him._

_He’d recognize the venue anywhere: Wembley Stadium. It’s the place where everything began and it’s kind of ironic how his mind picked this as the place for all of it to end. Because that’s what this is: the end. Honestly, he’s had the time of his life. Alright, it was a bit of a short one, but a great one._

“...ial?”

_Niall blinks as he stares into the white light._

_“Gran?”_

_She still looks exactly like the woman he knew when he was a little kid; the same grey jumper, skirt and hairstyle. He always wanted it to be her waiting for him at the Gates or wherever the fuck he is and he’s so, so glad she is. Niall tries to take a step into the light but there’s an invisible barrier holding him back._

“...God, babe...”

_Niall looks up at the familiar voice that he knows doesn’t match the one of his grandma. He’s so tired and he doesn’t know what Liam’s doing here but he needs to go. His grandma is still standing in the light, definitely closer now and Niall looks at her outstretched hand._

_“Are you for real?”_

_“Of course,” she replies and then his hand is in hers and Niall feels a shock going through his body. He takes a step closer, but there’s something holding his other hand back, trying to keep him on stage. When he looks back, there’s no one there. There’s another shock._

_“So this is it?” Niall whispers and he gets a tiny smile in response._

_“No, not yet, love.”_

_Niall nods._

“...you’ve got to keep fighting, love....”

_Zayn._

_“It’s them, isn’t it?” Niall whispers and his grandma doesn’t even have to nod to know the answer. It’s always them._

_“Their love for you is so strong, they’re not ready to let go of you yet. And I don’t think you’re ready to let go of them either...”_

_“I’m so tired, though,” he whispers. “It hurts.”_

_When his grandma lets go of his hand, it is immediately replaced by a different kind of warmth._

_“I know. You’ve got to fight for it. Listen to them, and you’ll be alright, dear.”_

_Niall gives her a calculating look but then nods. He takes a few steps away from her, further back on the stage. When he looks up again, his grandma is gone and there’s just the bright lights shining down on him. He sits down on the ground, his knees tucked up and his head resting on top of them. It’s like his grandma burst some kind of bubble when she left because suddenly his head starts hurting again and there’s something restricting his chest and he can hear Liam’s voice loud and clear._

“...miss you so much, come back to us...”

*

Returning from the brink of death is nothing like in the movies: he doesn’t dramatically gasp for air or sit up in his bed and there aren’t any crying loved ones sitting around his bed.

There is however the sound of machines beeping on Niall’s right and a harsh light that makes him think twice about opening his eyes for real. His body feels heavy and even painful in some places, but the thudding in his head is mostly gone and he’s never been more relieved. There is no one at his bedside and Niall tries to swallow down his disappointment. They’re busy boys; there are more important things to do than wait at your boyfriend’s bedside for god knows how many hours or days. Probably.

The hospital room -he’s pretty sure it’s a hospital- is average, but nice. He isn’t sharing, which is a good thing he guesses, and there’s just a closet and some chairs apart from his bed. The view is pretty decent, a small garden with a pond, and he should probably be lucky that it doesn’t really smell like sick people. Everything is white and clean and it’s a bit unsettling since their bedroom is cosy and warm but he’d gotten used to hotel rooms eventually, so he’ll get used to his.

After checking the room, he starts checking himself for obvious injuries. The first thing he notices is that there’s a cast on his left leg and well- it’s a bummer but not unexpected. He needs to let Zayn go wild on the cast, add some colour to the boring white. There’s a cast on his right wrist as well and something is stuck to his shoulders and his face. Something weird is lodged in his nose but he’s seen more episodes of Casualty than he likes to admit, so it must be an oxygen tube. Which would explain why breathing doesn’t hurt so much anymore, since he’s probably not doing much of it himself.

It isn’t until his eyes land on his left hand and the IV that’s been slipped in that his heartbeat picks up. Logically, he knows that they’ve probably done worse things with his body in the past however-long-he-was-out-for but he didn’t have to see that, did he? The needle is just staring him in the face, glistening against his pale skin, and it gets harder to breathe. Next to him, the machine suddenly starts making some weird beeping sounds in quick succession and within seconds, there’s a nurse next to his bed.

“Glad to see you’re awake, Mr Horan. We do need you to calm down a bit, though,” she speaks up and Niall tries to reassure her that he’s fine, but the words just don’t come out.

Twenty minutes later, Niall is sure she’s checked every single part of his body for any injuries and he thanks his lucky stars that there doesn’t seem to be any lasting damage. Alright, so the tubes are there because he apparently had surgery for a punctured lung and can’t quite breathe on his own again, but you know. He could be a lot worse.

He could’ve been dead.

It’s when the nurse is helping him sip on a bit of water that the exhaustion kicks in. He can’t help yawning around his straw and the nurse laughs.

“It’s the pain medication,” she winks and she removes the glass, instead fussing with his covers a bit.

“So, there are three gentlemen waiting for you in the hallway. Should I let them in? If you’re too tired, I can tell them tomorrow’s another day but they’ve been quite anxious to see you.”

“No, please,” Niall croaks out, not letting his mind get stuck on the ‘three’ instead of ‘four’. “Please let them in.”

“Alright then! I will leave you too it. I’m sure you’ll be in capable hands. If you get too tired, don’t try and fight it. If you need anything else, just push that button there, alright? I’ll be in before you know it.”

She leaves the room with a soft smile. Niall takes a few calming breaths and tries to tell himself that there’s absolutely no reason to feel nervous right now. _They won’t hate you, they love you._

The door opens and Niall almost sobs when Liam appears. He looks absolutely awful. There are dark shadows under his eyes, making him look so much older, and his face is all blotchy as if he’d just cried. Niall tries to push the guilt away.

“Hi, love. Alright if we come in?”

Niall nods and Liam carefully makes his way into the room, Zayn quietly following behind him. The door closes again and the fact that there’s only two of them doesn’t hurt. Not one bit.

“C’mon, gimme a hug then,” Niall whispers when they both just stand at the side of his bed, obviously not sure of how to act around him. Liam looks hesitant but Zayn immediately moves closer.

“God, babe-“ Zayn chokes out and he carefully wraps his arms around Niall’s shoulders, his face tucked in Niall’s neck. Moving his arms bloody hurts but it’s not like he’s not going to hug him back. Niall lets his hands rest on Zayn’s shoulder blades, shushing him and trying not to wince at the same time when he feels the needle in his hand shift. When he looks up, Liam is staring at them with tears in his eyes.

“Get over here,” Niall demands as he keeps his eye on the other boy, waiting until he’s close enough. “Kiss, please.”

Liam still seems hesitant so Niall puckers his lips and bats his eyelashes. He ignores the thumping in his head.

That seems to do the trick because suddenly Liam is laughing through his tears and he leans down to give him a chaste kiss, being careful to not jostle Zayn too much, who’s still bent over Niall.

“You had us so scared,” Liam whispers and Niall feels Zayn nod in his neck. It’s starting to get uncomfortable, the way that Zayn’s chest is pressing against his but he’ll deal with it.

“Sorry,” Niall replies, “I’m alright now.”

Zayn snorts in his neck, an obvious ‘no you’re not’, and Niall pokes him in his side. He’s fine. He’s alive. That’s all that counts, really.

“What happened? Do you know what happened?”

Zayn’s voice is soft but steady and Niall knows he’s asking about the details, about what made him crash his car in the middle of the night, but even thinking about it makes him sick in ways he hasn’t experienced before. He doesn’t want to tell them that all he thought about was them, about never seeing them again, and that it was them who brought them back. His boys.

Niall nods curtly. “I know, yeah.”

Zayn opens his mouth again but Liam seems to pick up on his reluctance, his hand softly squeezing Zayn’s arm.

“Another time, babe,” Liam states and Zayn presses his lips together but doesn’t protest.

After that, Liam starts fussing over him, tugging his covers tightly around him and being mindful of the cast. Niall watches with a fond look how he drags a chair over to the side of the bed before pushing Zayn down in it and sitting on his lap. Niall tries not to gasp when Zayn lets go of him rather roughly considering the situation but he clamps his lips together. They don’t need to worry any more about him than they already do.

Niall can feel his eyelids starting to drop after he pushes the pain meds button beneath his finger without the boys seeing, but he doesn’t want to sleep yet. Not before he knows where his other two boys are.

“Where are Lou and Hazza?”

The pair seems to exchange some kind of look that Niall knows all too well. He sighs.

“Spit it out.”

“Harry’s still in L.A.,” Liam confesses and Niall tries to ignore the pang in his chest. “Remember that detox retreat he’s doing with Caroline? Apparently it’s a no-phone thing. Lou’s been trying to call him for two days now and only got through today. He’ll be on the next flight, though. I promise.”

Niall blinks. “Did Lou tell him I’m a bit banged up?”

“You’re not banged up, you almost died,” Zayn snaps.

Same difference, Niall thinks but he keeps his mouth shut. He knows he can’t blame Harry. He had told them that the retreat has rules against communications with the outside world but you’d think they’d make an exception for an emergency. He just wants him here.

“Right. Where’s Lou?”

Zayn bites his lip before answering.

“Outside. He’s a bit... upset.”

“More like bloody angry,” Niall huffs and it’s not like he expected any different from Louis considering the situation but he’s got four boyfriends, not two. He wants all of them here. “It’s okay. Send him in.”

Liam gives him are careful look. “Just... He’s really glad that you’re okay. We all are. You know how he is, though. Just remember that, yeah?”

Niall nods and then Zayn reluctantly stands up after an elbow to the ribs from Liam. He hears Zayn and Louis talk quietly in the hallway, their voices nothing more than whispers. Liam offers him his hand and Niall squeezes it softly. His eyelids are getting more and more droopy by the minute but he tries to fight against it. It’s hard and even with Liam murmuring softly to him, he slowly nods off.

That is, until the door opens and Louis comes storming in.

“How fucking dare you! Don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again, Horan! Do you even know what you set off? The whole world is going mental! Did you even for one moment think of us when you crashed that-”

Niall focuses on Liam’s fingers curled tight around his instead of the look on Louis’ face. He knows Louis needs to get this out of his system, needs to yell in order to deal with things like he always needs to, but it’s also heartbreaking. Niall _did_ think of them, didn’t do anything else but think of them when his car was bent around a tree and his head hurt so much it felt like it was going to explode. Louis makes it sound like he drove off-road on purpose, like it wasn’t another car’s fault that he’s all bruised and broken now.

“Stop it,” Niall whispers and miraculously, Louis is quiet immediately. He’s made his way over to the bed now and he seems uncertain and hesitant.

“You know it was an accident, Lou. You _heard_ it,” Niall adds with a lump in his throat.

At that, Louis breaks down and flings himself onto Niall, clinging to him tight and sobbing against his collarbone. Unlike Zayn, he’s not careful about it. Every nerve in Niall’s body is telling him to push the other boy off because the pressure on his chest hurts and Louis’ nose is pressing against a bruise, but it’s Louis. He really, really can’t.

Until Louis accidentally elbows him in his broken ribs.

“Jesus fuck, get off me. Me ribs are fucking broken, you twat.”

“Shit, sorry,” Louis sniffs as he climbs off the bed, setting down in Liam’s lap instead, who immediately wraps his arms around him. Niall can see Zayn standing in the entryway, trying to calm a nurse down who probably came over once she heard yelling.

Niall focuses back on Louis. “All good?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“’S alright. Can’t have been easy,” Niall supplies carefully and Louis snorts.

“Not really, no.”

Niall doesn’t push him any further, instead makes himself comfy against his pillow and taps the spot next to him when Zayn walks over.

“That won’t fit,” is the first thing Zayn says.

“Yes, it will,” Niall replies stubbornly and Zayn sighs before carefully fitting himself against Niall. It only takes him a few seconds before his eyelids become heavy again and he tries to whine that he isn’t tired yet, that he just wants to spend some times with his boys, but then Louis pats his hand.

“It’s alright. Go to sleep, love. We’ll be here when you wake up, promise.”

He barely feels Zayn’s kiss against his temple before he sinks in a dreamless sleep.

*

“Do you think they would let me drive to work with them?”

Zayn’s fingers stop playing with his hair - they’d figured out it was the only part of his body that’s safe to touch without it hurting too much - and he turns his body slightly more into Niall’s on the bed. The other boys had been gone when he’d woken up from his nap -the liars-but Zayn had still been holding him, cheek pressed against Niall’s hair.

“What?” he asks confused.

“Liam and Louis,” Niall clarifies. “Do you think I could catch a ride with them? I know I usually go earlier than them but like... I could go in a bit later if they want. Maybe work in the breaks a bit, I promised Alicia we’d finish her album next week, so I might have to stay a bit later as well but Louis and Liam could just grab dinner or something and pick me up later?”

Zayn just stares at him and Niall shifts uncomfortably when the other boy keeps silent.

“Zayn?”

“Jesus, Niall, you’re not going back to work.” Zayn’s voice is tight and clipped and the smile gone from his face. Niall glares at him and tries to turn on his side but stops his movement halfway through when he realises that _he can’t do that_. Zayn seems to sense it as well because he grips Niall by his waist and carefully rolls him back again.

Niall presses his lips tightly together and blinks against the tears. Zayn’s face is full of concern but he doesn’t say anything and Niall sighs.

“Fine. I’ll just ask Liam then.”

*

Niall knows he should’ve asked Louis instead because he gets the same reaction as he’d gotten from Zayn when Liam comes in later that evening. Niall tries to explain that he has a job to do, that there are people who rely on him to do his job and it’s really not fair, but Liam just shrugs him off and tells him that they’ll have someone come in for him until he’s all healed up again.

Niall gives up after that.

*

The police come around, asking him too many questions and he tries to answer as many as possible without sobbing too much. The boys are quiet throughout his story, Liam inhaling loudly every once in a while but not saying anything, and it feels both good and exhausting to tell someone what had happened. After an hour, they wish him a speedy recovery and that they’ll let him know when they know something more. Niall prays for the best.

Visiting hours are limited, even for him, but his boys stay longer that afternoon, even when Niall assures them that he’s fine and it’s okay if they have other appointments that they need to get to.

Louis tells him to shut up and cuddles up next to him, Zayn huffs from where he’s carefully decorating the cast on his wrist and Liam just forces some more awfully bland-tasting Sheppard’s Pie in his mouth.

*

Niall drifts in and out of sleep on his third day in the hospital, his nurse assuring him that he needs all the rest because he’s healing and his body needs down-time for that. It’s not like he can do much else, so sleep it is.

When he wakes up around noon, his chest feeling better than before he went to bed but the thumping in his head still annoyingly present, there’s a familiar head of curls sitting at his bedside.

“Haz?” he mummers and the other boy looks up from where he was typing on his phone.

“Niall,” Harry breathes out and next thing he knows, Niall’s got Harry’s head pressed into his chest and his tears soaking through his shirt. Niall doesn’t want to tell him off, he’s not gonna whine about it hurting -he’s a big boy-, but Harry’s cheek is awfully close to a rib he’s sure that is broken.

“Babe, you’ve gotta move up a bit...”

He thinks Harry understands because even though he does sob a bit louder, he also moves his head to settle on Niall’s shoulder. Niall uses his good hand to stroke through Harry’s hair, calming the other boy.

He thought he’d be angry at Harry: angry for not being there when he was supposed to, angry for not coming over earlier when Niall was so obviously needing him. The other boys had tried to keep him distracted, of course, but there was still that nagging feeling of Harry not being there when the others were. He hadn’t even gotten a phone call, which he didn’t think would hurt, but it did. His own phone hadn’t survived the accident, Niall hadn’t expected it to, even with Louis and Zayn calling him, but Harry could’ve called any one of them and they’d have happily given their phone to him.

Now, there’s weirdly not a trace of anger left. Not now he’s finally got all his boys in one place again. Not now Harry’s sobbing apologies into his t-shirt, his hand griped tightly in the fabric and Niall’s fingers tangled in his hair. He’s more tanned than ever, a healthy glow all over, and even with the stale smell of airplane there’s still that underlying spiciness that screams ‘Harry’ to him. Niall squeezes him just a bit tighter.

“Nialler, I’m so sorry,” Harry sniffles a few minutes later. He has moved away from Niall shoulder and is now sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed, his hands touching Niall’s ankle and cast carefully.

Niall shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologise, it’s alright.”

“No, it’s not,” Harry argues, his eyebrows pulled down in a frown. “Look at you. There isn’t a part of you that isn’t broken or bruised. You shouldn’t even be alive. Louis called me and god- that was the scariest phone call I’ve ever had. He sounded so scared and I could hear Liam cry in the background and the jet wasn’t ready yet and I should’ve been here from the beginning but I wasn’t and I can’t even-”

“Haz, it’s okay,” Niall interrupts softly. Harry blinks at him. “You’re here now. That’s good enough for me, alright?”

Harry laughs quietly through his tears. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Got my boys now, don’t care about anything else.”

Harry grins widely at him and Niall pats the spot next to him, knowing it’s probably too small for Harry’s broad frame but he just wants some cuddles. The other boy immediately crawls over, carefully tucking himself next to Niall and lying his head on his shoulder. Niall knows that it won’t be long before he falls asleep again but this time, he knows the others will be there when he wakes up. All of them.

*

“-the fucking nerve! I’m gonna smash-“

“-Lou, you’ve gotta calm down, this is a hospital-”

“-someone’s head in for writing this fucking piece of trash!”

Niall looks up in confusion when Louis and Liam storm into his room the next day, Harry following a few seconds later. Louis looks completely furious, eyes blazing and fists clenched and Liam tries to touch him but the other boy just shrugs him off. Niall mutes the telly.

“Uhm, hi?” Niall says and three heads snap in his direction. Harry sits down in the chair next to his bed and gives him a cheery ‘hello’ but Niall can sense something is amiss. Louis is staring intensely at him from the other side of the small room, Liam whispering what Niall guesses are words to calm him down.

“What’s going on?”

Harry looks up at that and places a magazine on his legs and shoots a apologetic look at Louis. Niall’s mood plummets immediately because tabloids never mean anything fun and with Louis’s anger, he doesn’t even have to guess what it’s about. He picks it up.

“Don’t read that fucking rubbish,” Louis interrupts but everyone stays quiet as Niall stares at his own face on the cover. It’s right next to a photo of the crash, Liam’s Range Rover wrapped all around the tree in broad day light. He hasn’t seen anything from his accident up to now, but it looks awful; how the car has been forced to be squished together and he has no idea how he came out of that alive. It looks like it should’ve been impossible.

He skims over the rest, the headline making him feel sick.

_‘NO MORE LIVING WHILE HE’S YOUNG?’_

Dread creeps up upon him and he throws a quick look at Harry, who’s looking back at him with careful eyes. He takes a deep breath before he flips to the right page.

_The world was in for a shock when news came out about One Direction-member Niall Horan’s car accident three days ago. Now, sources have their doubts about the accident-part of the crash._

_‘Niall was heartbroken when Zayn left the band,’ a source close to Horan said. ‘He’s been feeling that loss for a few months now and the other boys have voiced their concerns to their management quite a few times. It would come as no surprise if the accident had actually been planned out because he just couldn’t take it anymore.’_

_Of course, the split of Malik from the band wasn’t the only reason for this possible (failed) suicide attempt. A friend of the boyband member tells us that ‘Niall felt left out because all his other band mates started pairing up’._

_This, of course, refers to the rumours of co-members Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson dating after been spotted in a London-based restaurant having a quiet dinner a couple of weeks ago. At the same time, pictures of other boyband member Liam Payne and ex-band member Zayn Malik meeting up in public came to light._

_Two days ago, band member Louis Tomlinson was heard yelling through the hospital ward, asking his (now maybe former-) band member if he’d even for a second thought about the band’s future when he crashed his car, confirming the suspicion that this accident might not-_

The magazine gets ripped out of his hands, Louis holding it with a furious look on his face.

“You’re not reading any more of that bullshit,” he growls as he throws it in the bin next to the door. Niall thinks he nods, but he’s not so sure.

The three of them are watching him carefully. Harry has grabbed his hand, but Niall doesn’t know what to say. He knows that the Sun is just a piece of trash, that they haven’t written anything so far yet that had been the complete and honest truth about anyone, but this is just... suicide.

Jesus.

The heart-rate monitor next to his bed picks up his faster heart rate and Niall knows all the other boys can hear it as well. He ignores it all.

He’s picking at the fingernail of his right pinkie finger, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. God, what would his mum think? He hasn’t spoken to her a lot, she knows he’s fine with the other boys around, but he doesn’t want her reading anything like this. Not when it’s complete and utter bullshit. He wonders if management has done their part yet, maybe a follow-up statement where they explain the whole bit, or if this another one of those things where they just hush the whole thing over.

Zayn interrupts the silence. “Niall? Louis is right, isn’t he? That it’s bullshit?”

His voice is soft and concerned but Niall can also see Louis still clenching his fist in the corner of the room and Liam still whispering to him.

“Yeah,” Niall chokes out, the tears already escaping his eyes. “I would- you know I wouldn’t- _Louis._ ”

Louis is over at his bedside immediately, not even looking at Harry when he sits down on his lap and bats his hand out of Niall’s. Niall squeezes it gratefully and he only whimpers when Louis thumb dries his tears away.

“C’mon love, we’re not mad. We all know that it’s rubbish, yeah?”

“You- you heard me, Lou. It was an accident, I swear, I swear Lou,” Niall pleads and he doesn’t even know why but fuck- it’s important that his boys know that he didn’t crash into that tree on purpose, that he doesn’t want to be _dead_ no matter how close he got.

“We know, love. We know,” Louis shushes him and suddenly Liam is lying down next to him, scooping him up in his arms and Niall presses his meds button just to be sure. Liam looks like he’s about to apologise but Niall just presses himself even closer, pain be damned.

“Love you guys,” he sniffs. “I was- there was a white- white light and I wanted it to stop hurting so bad but I kept hearing you guys and I just could- couldn’t. Love you all s-so much.”

He swears he hears Harry sniff next to the bed but he doesn’t want to move his head from Liam’s chest.

“And we love you, Niall, so much.” Liam whispers and Niall nods. He knows.

Then he reminds himself- “My mum,” he chokes out.

Harry is up immediately, squeezing his shoulder softly. “I’ll call your mum, alright? Your dad too.”

Niall doesn’t know when he falls asleep after that. He can hear the other guys whispering around him but he just doesn’t care. He just wants to wake up and forget that ever happened.

*

The next day, nobody mentions the article and Niall feels relief spread throughout his whole body. He has no doubt that this isn’t the last of it but for now, it’s good. They’re good.

“When can I go home?” Niall asks when his nurse is changing his catheter with skilful hands after the boys are all gone home to sleep.

“Tomorrow, if you’re lucky. You’re recovering quite well. We just need to keep you here tonight to check if you can breathe on your own and then you’ll hopefully be discharged.”

Niall hopes with all his heart that his lungs will start doing what they have to do.

*

Louis is late.

Not that that is really surprising because when has Louis ever been on time for anything, but Niall would’ve thought he’d be at least on time for taking Niall home.

The nurse had given him some firm instructions a few minutes ago, reminding him that he’s not to do any strenuous activity for the next two weeks -and yes, that includes intercourse, Mr Horan- and then slowly build it up. He’s still on strong pain meds for his ribs and has daily breathing and cough exercises he needs to do to make sure they keep working properly, but apart from that, he’s as fit as a fiddle. Apart from the bruises and the broken leg and wrist.

His mum had checked in with him as well, Zayn handing over his phone with a grin, and offered to move in with them for a bit to take care of him. Niall had politely refused. He doesn’t want his mum in one house with his boyfriends, no matter how much he loves them all. It’s just asking for chaos to happen.

There’s a knock on the door and Niall puts a scowl on a face.

“You’re late,” he snaps, and Louis actually manages to look guilty.

“I know, I’m sorry. The place is packed with paps, took me a while to get in.”

Niall blanches at that. “Shit.”

Louis slings Niall’s overnight bag over his shoulder and pushes the wheelchair closer to the bed. Niall raises his eyebrows but Louis just grins at him and then picks him up from the bed, carefully manoeuvring Niall in the chair. He puts the bag on Niall’s lap and makes sure his leg isn’t dragging over the floor before pushing him out of the room.

Niall is surprised to see Paddy standing outside the door but then again, he probably shouldn’t be. He might have been there the last couple of days without him knowing.

“Alright?” Paddy asks him, simple as that, and Niall grins back at him.

“Peachy.”

Getting out of the hospital is a right nightmare. Niall tries to keep his head low when Louis wheels him out of the doors but the flashes are bright and it takes so much longer with the wheelchair that he feels like crying when Paddy finally lifts him in the car. He knows his face is gonna be all over the tabloids tomorrow and even though he hasn’t looked in a mirror yet, he knows he looks like hell. Louis doesn’t waste a day without telling him so.

“We’re alright,” Louis whispers to him once he’s seated next to him and Niall takes a deep breath. He tries not to freak out too much about the fact that they’re in a car and just focuses on the fact that in a few minutes, he’ll be home.

*

In hindsight, he should have known that Harry would hover.

Driving up their driveway always gives Niall a giddy feeling. It makes him feel like coming home. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing in this house with Zayn leaving the band and fighting to keep their relationship alive, but it’s theirs and it’s home.

Harry is waiting for them on the porch and Niall thanks his lucky stars that there aren’t any paparazzi around, because Louis is less than graceful when he lifts him out of the car and up the stairs.

“Sofa?” Louis asks and Niall nods. The sofa sounds great.

Their house is a mix of all their styles: there’s pillows, there’s bookcases, there’s a huge flat screen telly and a life-sized Iron Man is standing in a corner. Honestly, it looks ridiculous but Niall loves it. Louis’ clothes are sprawled all around the living room, and the stack of books next to the coffee table that belongs to Zayn is getting higher every week. The cinnamon smell of Harry’s candles is always present and when Louis sets him down on the sofa, Niall cringes as he sits on of one of Liam’s notebooks.

“Do you need anything? Food, a drink, foot massage, meds?”

“I’m fine, Haz.”

“You sure?” Harry looks doubtful.

“Really sure. Think I’m just going to sleep a bit, if that’s alright.”

“Oh. Yes, of course. You need rest. Want me to carry you to the bedroom?”

Niall tries not to wince at the image of Harry carrying him up the stairs and tripping over his own feet. He makes a mental note to ask for Liam when he does need to go upstairs.

“Nah, I’m fine.”

He settles down a bit further in the cushions, sighing when his head rests against the armrest. He doesn’t mean to fall asleep immediately, with the sound of Liam clanging pots on the stove and telling Louis to _stop touching things_ , but when Harry kisses his temple and drapes a blanket over him, it only takes a few seconds.

*

Harry wakes him up a few hours later, whispering that dinner is ready and to please not say anything if he doesn’t like it because Louis helped and he’s proud. Niall zips his mouth shut and Harry laughs.

He does allow Harry to carry him over to the kitchen and Niall can’t wait for the stupid cast on his wrist to come off so that he can at least use crutches to get around. All this carrying just makes him want to cuddle whoever is carrying him.

Liam looks quite proud when he puts the plates on table. “Frittata.”

Everybody digs in and Niall takes the plate Zayn offers him with a smile.

“Want me to cut it up?” Louis asks from next to him and Niall pushes his plate over without shame. He needs the help, he’d be mad not to accept it. Liam looks a bit put out and Niall can see the gears turning in his head, figuring out dishes that don’t require any cutting but Niall honestly doesn’t mind. He likes them taking care of him.

Dinner is like it always has been: Zayn has to remind Louis several times that band-talk is not allowed at the dinner table anymore and Harry’s thigh is pressed against Niall’s. There’s banter like always and when Niall accidentally elbows his spoon off the table, Louis picks it up without a fuss and continues talking with Liam like nothing happened.

*

Liam is helping him change into his pyjamas, his touches careful and quick, when Harry walks into the bedroom.

“We set up the spare bedroom for you. Is one blanket enough?”

Niall stares at him. Spare bedroom? Why the hell is he sleeping in the spare bedroom? “What?”

Niall notices the uncomfortable look on Liam’s face and Niall thinks good.

“We thought you might be more comfortable there?” Liam sounds doubtful.

“Why the hell would you think that?” Niall asks, baffled. They haven’t spend a night apart since they got together little over half a year ago. He’s not going to start now, not now that he is finally out of the hospital and he can cuddle up with the four of them again. Before their hiatus is over and they all go on tour again and Zayn won’t be there.

Harry huffs. “Because Louis will cling to you, Zayn will kick you in your sleep and Liam’s snores will keep you up. That’s why. You need your rest.”

“Don’t care,” Niall pouts. “I wanna sleep with you guys.”

“Fine,” Harry snaps, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Niall can see Liam smile at him from the corner of his eye where he’s folding up Niall’s clothes and Niall grins brightly at Harry. “I wouldn’t dare, babe.”

*

Knowing Louis, he should’ve known it wouldn’t just be sleeping when the five of them are all tangled up in the bed. Niall is squished in between Liam and Harry, Zayn wrapped around Liam on one side of the bed, Louis sprawled on his stomach next to Harry on the other side. Maybe being in the middle isn’t the safest decision, but he needs the five of them around him.

It isn’t until Louis hands start wandering over Harry’s sides and he hears the boy’s soft moans that Niall whines.

“Louis.”

“What?”

“You heard the nurse. No strenuous activity.”

“Hmm-hmm,” Louis hums. “Doesn’t mean you have to join.”

Liam is kissing the back of Niall’s neck now and he can feel Zayn’s hand’s on Liam’s stomach pressing against his back.

“Guys,” Niall whimpers.

Even though the lights are out, he can imagine the grin on Louis face when he answers. “Just enjoy the show, Neil. Remember, no strenuous activity.”

Niall groans. They’re going to be the death of him.

*

Niall tries not to complain too much, but recovery is going slow. It’s been five days since he left the hospital, but the thudding in his head still isn’t gone completely and even though he’s been doing his lung exercises, his ribs still hurt when he takes a deep breath in.

Harry dutifully hands him his pain meds every morning and supplies him with more when Niall asks, but he can see the concerned looks he gets when he coughs and squeezes his eyes tight shut because of the pain.

He’ll be fine.

*

“Ah, c’mon, Zayn. Just one game. Please?”

Niall sends him his best pleading look from where he’s curled up on the sofa, his feet tucked in Harry’s lap and his good hand scratching the top of Louis’ head who’s sitting on the ground. Liam is in the one other chair they have, two game controllers in his hand.

“You know I suck at this,” Zayn tries.

“Don’t care. I need someone to hold the controller for me. I’m sick, Zayn, you can’t say no to me.”

“You know you can’t use that forever, do you? I feel like we should set a maximum of days you can use that excuse.”

He can see Zayn eyeing the beanbag next to Liam’s chair and Niall cheers inwardly. Success.

“Shut up and do exactly as I tell you, when I tell you. We’re gonna win this match.”

“Fine.”

“Love you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

*

Louis and Liam refuse to take him to work, even when he’s been home for a week now and he’s been trying to show them he can totally do it. All he needs them to do is drive them there, put him in his awesome producer chair and pick him up when they go home.

Harry points out that he needs the occasional toilet break and that he needs both hands for his soundboard and Niall pouts at him until Harry relents and cuddles up next to him on the sofa, promising that as soon as he’s fit for work again, he’ll drive him himself.

*

Being ill involves a lot of cuddles and kisses and lingering touches, so Niall doesn’t really want to complain too much, but he’s getting bored. There’s only so many crosswords he can do, so many movies he can watch and so many songs he can write (with and without Zayn) before he goes insane.

“I want to cook,” Niall whines from the sofa where he’s currently figuring out if there’s something else that rhymes with 'rose' apart from 'hoes'.

“Alright,” Louis shrugs and closes his notebook, gracefully getting up from the floor. “Let’s cook.”

Niall stares at him. “What?”

“We’re going to cook.”

Niall tries not to laugh at how Louis struggles to lift him up from the sofa. It isn’t until Louis has sat him down on a kitchen chair, another one lifting his legs up, that Niall asks: “How're we gonna do this then. I can’t even reach the counter.”

“That’s where I come in,” Louis exclaims proudly. Niall just stares at him. Louis sighs. “You know how to cook but can’t, I can but don’t know how. It’s simple really. You tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

Niall is glad the other boys aren’t home because he’s sure that one of them would tell them how bad of an idea this is. He grins at Louis.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

It actually goes better than expected; he only has to use Google once to show Louis what a spice looks like so he can grab it from the cupboard.

“Just rub the salt in the salmon, Lou.”

“You rub it,” Louis huffs, his nose scrunched.

“Lou.”

Louis doesn’t budge though, so Niall ends up rubbing the salt in the salmon one-handed, while Louis cuts the ends of the green asparagus, the tip of his tongue between his lips. Niall thinks he looks adorable.

“So what now?” Louis asks once everything has been chopped up and set out on the counter. Niall braces himself for the next part because as much as he loves Louis, he’s tasted some of his creations and all he can do now is give directions. And hope Louis follows them.

“Grab the grill pan. The other one. Left. Yes, that one. Alright, so put that on the stove but just don’t turn it on yet.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Just do it.”

“Fine.”

Niall hides his grin behind his hand. “Alright. Grab a pot and put some boiling water in there.”

“From the tea-tap, right?”

The tea-tap had been Harry’s idea when they’d gotten the kitchen installed but Niall has to admit that having a tap with boiling water does come in handy sometimes.

He nods at Louis and gets a pleased smile in return. They’ve got this.

Niall texts the other boys meanwhile, letting them know that they’ve got dinner sorted and if they could all be home within half an hour, that’d be great. Harry sends back a text that is all question marks and Niall huffs in reply. It’s not like Louis can’t cook at all. He just doesn’t have the patience usually, burning things because he’s busy doing something else.

Louis is watching him expectantly when Niall puts his phone down. “Next?”

“Put a lid on that, wait for the water to boil. Is the oven heated yet?”

Louis raises his eyebrows. “I mean, probably.”

Niall sighs and cranes his neck, trying to look past Louis. “Is the little light next to the temperature on or off?”

“Off.”

“Alright, so put the potatoes in then.”

“Are you sure they don’t need oil?”

Louis looks dubious.

“I’m sure, Lou.”

“Liam always does it with oil, though.”

Niall groans and Louis grins sheepishly at him.

“I’m sure, Lou. Just put the bloody potatoes in the oven.”

After that they work seamlessly, Louis following his order to a t, even if he does things a bit slower than Niall would’ve done. He’s trying to explain to Louis why he doesn’t need to turn the salmon, not yet anyway, when Zayn comes walking into the kitchen.

“You guys making dinner?” He doesn’t look as sceptical as Niall would’ve expected and he counts it as a win.

“I am making dinner,” Louis huffs from the stove, tugging a bit on his apron. “Niall is merely here for the conversation.”

“Right,” Zayn drawls. “I’ll set the table then, alright?”

Louis hums pleased and Niall winks at Zayn.

Zayn moves around the kitchen quietly, leaving Niall and Louis to do what they do and when Louis is sprinkling some chives on top of the salmon to finish it off, the other two boys walk into the kitchen as well.

“Smells lovely, Lou,” Harry says and Niall can see Louis perk up, a pleased smile on his face.

“Thank you. Now, sit and eat. Liam, cut up Niall’s food.”

Niall starts to protest how he could’ve asked that himself but then Liam is already cutting up his asparagus while asking Zayn about his day and Niall heart swells twice its usual size.

*

The next few weeks are focused on his recovery, and he is recovering according to his doctor, it’s just going relatively slow.

By the time he has written enough tracks to fill an whole album and he’s had to decline about five invitations to golf tournaments, Niall is completely done with not being able to do anything. He wants his casts off and his ribs to stop hurting. The boys don’t seem to mind, always distracting him with another game of Monopoly or YouTube video but he’s honestly starting to annoy himself. Add in the fact that their hiatus is almost at an end and he’s getting properly frustrated.

Louis and Liam seem to be in constant meetings with management nowadays, doing whatever they have to do to make sure that this tour won’t be as hectic as their previous ones because they have definitely learned their lesson from Zayn leaving. Niall tries not to think about how much he’s going to miss the other boy when they're on tour and he’s not.

It’s one week before his appointment to get his cast removed from his legs that Louis and Liam come home, blank expressions on their faces and Harry immediately shoots up from next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, babe,” Louis reassures him. Liam nods. “Just- could we talk to Niall for a bit?”

Dread creeps up in his stomach and he almost wishes Harry won’t get up and leave but he does with a suspicious look on his face. Niall tries not to show the horror he’s feeling inside.

“Look,” Louis sighs as he sits down on the coffee table, facing Niall. “I’m not gonna beat around the bush, alright? Management finally gave the OK for me and Harry to come out, but I’m not doing it if you’re not alright with it.”

The dread gets swapped for confusion. Why wouldn’t he be alright with it? Isn’t that what they’ve been working towards all this time? He doesn’t get it.

The confusion must show on his face, because Liam carefully adds, “The article- we don’t want you to feel left out, love. If you don’t like this, you’ve gotta-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Niall exclaims, his anger suddenly bubbling up. “I thought we agreed that that article was utter bullshit?!”

“I know,” Louis hastens to add, “but sometimes the sources they use are right and we just- we love you, Niall, and we wouldn’t-“

“Lou. It’s fine. You know this is what we all want, right? This was the plan. You and Harry come out and then in a few months Liam and Zayn will come out and then I’ll get the change and then we all show up to some award show all holding hands and it will be fine. I’m fine, babes.”

“Right.” Louis and Liam look relieved.

“Now, sit here.” Niall pats the spot in between his legs, inviting Louis and Liam to cuddle up. “And keep quiet.”

Harry comes walking in a few minutes later, a cautious look on his face that disappears as soon as he sees them all wrapped up on the sofa. Zayn follows right behind him, quickly sitting down on the beanbag before Harry can. The other boy looks put out until Liam sighs and taps the side of the sofa, Harry beaming at him as he sits down and rests his head against Liam’s thigh. Niall breathes in the smell of Louis’ jumper and he’s asleep within seconds.

*

The police come around with the news that they haven’t been able to track down the other guy yet and that the investigation has been put on hold until new information comes up and Niall tries to push away the sickness he feels in his stomach.

It’s fine.

*

Niall sitting downstairs with Liam in their basement, watching Zayn spray paint the wall in front of him. He’s been feeling loads better now, the aching in his ribs almost gone and the skin beneath the cast around his leg itchy, and he knows he’s finally recovering as he should.

“Let’s just leave him to it, yeah?” Liam whispers in his ear when Zayn hasn’t talked to them in over half an hour and Niall nods with a smile. Liam lifts him up without any noticeable effort and walks them up the stairs, Niall watching over his shoulder as he tries to ignore the pang in his chest as he thinks of the upcoming tour without the other boy there.

*

It’s two months before the start of their tour and Niall’s leg cast is finally off. His wrist still needs about a month because it isn’t healing as it’s supposed to, but he’ll take it. He’s got just over two months to learn how to walk again. Easy.

*

“So, now that that awful thing is gone, think you’d be up for some fun activities?”

Niall snorts from where he’s lying curled up against Zayn, Harry pressed against his back, Liam against Zayn’s and Louis standing in the doorway.

“Anything in particular you’re thinking of?”

A grin takes over Louis’ whole face. “Oh, I’m sure I can think of something. Me fucking you while you suck off Hazza, Liam fucking you and me fucking Liam and who knows what the other boys will get up to?”

“Please,” Niall whimpers and he doesn’t for it to come out so desperate, but it’s been _months_ since he’s gotten fucked (not that he hadn’t watched them doing things, but that’s different) and he just wants something or someone in him _now_.

“Think you should ask Liam real nice then, don’t you think?”

Louis still hasn’t moved from the doorpost and Niall reluctantly tears his eyes away from him, instead staring over Zayn’s shoulder to meet Liam’s eyes. There’s an energy in the air that wasn’t there before and he’s pretty sure it’s Harry’s dick that’s pressing against his back.

“Li, please,” Niall whispers and he pushes himself a bit closer to Zayn, trying to find more friction.

“Yeah, ‘f course,” Liam replies, his voice rough.

After that it’s a mess of hands touching bodies, mouths meeting skin and moans echoing in their bedroom. It’s when he’s finally got Liam in him, holding his legs up carefully and rocking into him gently, Zayn’s mouth whispering filthy things in his ear and Harry’s hand quickly stroking his cock, that Niall has never felt less broken.

*

Zayn’s gotten the task of helping him with is leg exercises, since he is -to Niall’s surprise- the most patient one but will still push him when needed. He’d tried with Liam at first, but whenever he’d wince Liam would call for a break and Niall knew then that they’d never get to proper walking if Liam kept helping him.

Zayn’s pushing Niall’s knee to his chest (his ribs now completely fine with it) when Niall blurts it out.

“Come with us on tour.”

Zayn startles, letting go of his leg and moving back from him, sitting a few inches further away. Niall definitely does not miss his hands on his calves.

“Niall...” Zayn sighs and Niall doesn’t missed the pained expression that crosses his face.

“No,” Niall hastens to add, grabbing Zayn’s hand in his. “I didn’t mean on tour. Or well, I did mean on tour, but not like... Not as One Direction.”

“Then what?” Zayn sounds confused and a tiny bit hurt and Niall feels like kicking himself. Liam could’ve explained this so much better.

“Just. Come with us as Zayn, the boyfriend. I didn’t mean come perform with us, not if you don’t want it. Just, come travel with us and see the world.”

“I- I can’t just drop everything, babe.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Niall explains and he takes a deep breath. “It’s just. God- I didn’t pass out in the car. Not until like way after I’d hit the tree. And I just- I couldn’t stop thinking about you guys. How if I died there, I’d never see you guys again. And I just- I know you’ve got stuff to do. I really, really do. But it’s nothing you can’t do on the road, is it? We’ll be recording too, so you could use our recording trailer and stay with us in hotels and do whatever you want. I promise. I just- I don’t want to spend time apart from you guys if I can help it.”

He looks up from where he’d been talking to Zayn’s hand to see that Zayn’s eyes are glassy and honestly, Niall didn’t mean to make him cry.

“It’s just- it’ll be hard, you know?” Zayn mumbles and Niall nods. He knows. It’s why they’ve banned band-talk from the kitchen table because it reminds Zayn of what he left behind and it always ends up with awkward silences when Liam asks Zayn if he can talk a look at a bridge because it doesn’t work like this until he remembers that Zayn can’t make those decisions anymore.

“I’ll think about it, alright?”

Niall beams at him in reply because that was not a outright ‘no’ and he just shuffles closer a bit. “Now, Malik, help me walk.”

*

The walking is going slowly but steady a month later and when he returns from his last appointment to take the cast off his wrist, he feels like he’s on top of the world.

He should’ve realised that it might have all been a bit too much, too soon though, because when he tries to walk down the stairs all by himself, supporting himself on one crutch and gripping the banister tightly, he loses his footing halfway through and ends up tumbling down the stairs.

There’s a loud crash when he hits the floor and Niall squeezes his eyes shut, carefully wiggling his toes and fingers. Nothing hurts too bad.

Harry comes sprinting out of the kitchen immediately, panic written across his face, yelling for Louis to get his ass out of the bedroom.

“I’m fine, Haz,” Niall reassures him and he tries to push himself up, ignoring the ache in his wrist.

“Shut up,” Harry replies and it isn’t until he’s closer that Niall sees the tears in his eyes.

“Babe, I’m fine. I just fell down a few steps, nothing to worry about.”

Harry doesn’t seem to listen to him, carefully moving his limbs up and down to see if there are any injuries and Niall lets him. Louis comes flying down the stairs, stopping right in front of them and he lifts his eyebrows.

“I’m fine,” Niall huffs. They need to stop worrying. Yes, he fell down the stairs, no it’s not as bad as it looks.

“C’mon babe, let’s get you up,” Louis says and with one swift movement, he’s got Niall up in his arms, his crutches lying abandoned on the floor. Harry mumbles something about having to make sure dinner isn’t burning and then it’s just him and Louis.

“Don’t scare him like that, alright? I know you’re made of tough stuff but let’s just skip the falling down stairs, it will make all of our lives easier.”

Niall laughs. “Deal.”

They end up on the sofa together, Zayn and Liam joining them when they’re back from their shopping trip and Niall softly whispers his apologies to Harry when the boy sits with them as well.

*

They’ve all started packing their suitcases, clothes scattered everywhere and Niall doesn’t even think he owns half of the shit that he’s packing. There’s bound to be some stuff of Zayn's in there as well and he knows the other boy is going to complain once he realises that the four of them have taken most of his clothes, but Niall will make sure he’ll leave some of his own clothes as well.

*

A week before the start of the tour he’s already curled up tight around Louis (it’s ridiculous that they have a rotating sleep schedule because Niall _can’t sleep alone_ or else he’ll wake up in a panic but it is what it is) when he hears Zayn enter the bedroom quietly. He presses himself against Niall’s back and Niall relaxes just that little bit more.

“I’ll come. Gotta make sure you stay in one piece,” Zayn whispers in his ear right before he drops off to sleep. Niall squeezes the arm around his chest once and presses a smile against Louis’ back.

This tour is going to be great.

*

The fireworks go off when the beat drops and Niall twirls around, almost tripping over Harry who’s for some reason sprawled out on the stage. Niall catches Zayn’s worried look from the side of the stage when he falters slightly but Niall just grins back at him. He throws him a wink as he sings the last verse of Drag Me Down and then carefully walks to the middle of the stage, Louis placing a supporting hand on his back when he meets up with the rest of them.

It’s a last bow and then he jumps on Liam’s back, who carries him backstage without complaining. Zayn is waiting for them and wraps them all up in a hug, exchanging _I love you_ s with soft touches.

Niall might be still recovering, but as long as he’s got his boys, he’ll get there.


End file.
